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My Hardest Goodbye.

The Challenges of Explaining Death to Children. 

Illustrated by: Hailey Smith
Written by: Aren Sammy & Nicole Vasiliadis

Children's literature is an avenue of expression and an outlet where children can activate prior knowledge and relate with the feelings of characters in a book. - D.Lowe

Talking About Death 

Treat a child as though he already is the person he's capable to become.   -Haim Binott


Children as young as six months old experience grief, but children express it differently than adult. 
3 Main Stages of Children's Understanding of death: 

3-5 years old - Children view death as a 'Departure' from a place the believe the person who dies just "moved" and is living somewhere else. 

 5-9 Years old-  Children believe death can be avoided entirely.

9-10 Years old -. Children reach an understanding that death is permanent, inevitable and affect all living things 

 

There are daily struggles with understanding and accepting the loss of a loved one and decisions may be difficult as there is no readily available answer. 

 

Every child should be told about death. Allow the child to feel what they feel and express their emotions even if they are unpleasant. It is important not to show stress as an adult because children tend to model what they see. Children will ask many questions, some even repeated, and it is necessary to give yourself permission to say "I don't know." 

 

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The Conference

Diverse Needs in Canada

What is Diverse Needs?

Acknowledge that death is a part of everyday life and children will be exposed to the loss of loved ones.  Fear of death is universal, although adults have an understanding of the nature of death, children's understanding of death is dependent on their level of development and learning. 

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Jean Piaget's theory of cognitive development has been identified as a useful model for studying children's understanding of death. 

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Sensorimotor Stage (Birth to age 2)

At this stage, infants are only aware of what is immediately in front of them and only focus on what they see. Infants do not know how to react to things and are constantly experimenting with activities.

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Pre-operational Stage (Age 2-7)

Children think about death in an egocentric way. They may choose to ignore death or relate to their own experiences with death, if they have had any. 

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Concrete Operational Stage (Age 7-11)

At this stage, children can conceptualize death in a concrete form and may become uniquely interested in the resources leading to death. They also begin to suspect that they themselves will die someday.

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Formal Operational Stage (Age 11+) 

Children can abstractly conceptualize about death as a natural event in their lives and begin to see death in a more realistic manner. 


 

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Some after life beliefs are culturally constructed they are founded on the beliefs and testimony that children are exposed to in their sociocultural environment. After life beliefs emerge in the preschool years. 

Here are a FEW examples of different cultural viewpoints: 
 

Christianity  -  Believes the person's spirit will ascend to either heaven or hell for eternity.  

Buddhism - Individuals do not posse an eternal soul. Instead individual consists of a "bundle" of habits, memories, sensations and desires. 

Judaism - Death is not the end of human existence. Believe souls of righteous goes to Christian heaven and Wicked soul are tormented by demons of their own creations. 

Islam - Death is the complete end of physical life and the beginning of rest until the resurrection of Allah judges the living and dead. 

Hinduism - Cycle of death and rebirth. Reincarnation is rebirth of a soul in new body. 
 

Atheism:  Though the body is still around the person has essentially ceased to exist. Atheist believe the afterlife that a person can hope to have is the legacy they leave behind-the memory of the people who have been touched by their lives.

Spiritualism/ Spiritism - All people and animals that have been loved live after physical death. On crossing they take three things. 
-Spirit Body 
-Memories 
- Character 
 

How you choose to explain the "Afterlife" is up to your personal beliefs and values. 

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Alternative View Points

About

1. Universalization reinforces that other children have experienced similar anguish.
 

2. Catharsis connects the reader and the characters in the story. Empathy and problem solving are exhibited during this stage.
 

3. Insight helps reader to self-reflect and apply their knowledge to others and society

Therapeutic reading help children trlate to characters and cope with their own emotions; often reader is looking for a solution to his/her own personal life and feel more at ease when learning that he/she is not the “only one” dealings with a life crisis  - A.Emits

Early Childhood Educator Resources.

Children

1.79 million

Deaths Per Day

151,600 

1

Book

UNLIMITED

Love

My Hardest Goodbye

“Mason, I will always cherish our friendship with all the love and barks you were fortunate to give me.  I will remember all the memories we shared and the activities you prepared. You’d always say “come on” there’s an adventure we can go on.” 

Speakers
Guidelines

Support Guide  

Our Suggestions:

1. Use real words that are simple and direct.
For example, death, died or dying oppose to passed away or sleeping. Begin the conversation with “What do you think happened?” be as direct as possible.

Younger Ages: 2-12: Suggestions
“Dead means someone or something is all done living”
“None of their parts work anymore” – Doesn’t eat or sleep, laugh or talk or pee or poop, He’s all done living”
 

 Older Children Ages 13-17: Suggestions
-You can start giving philosophies of the after life
“Dead means someone or something is all done living”


2. Encourage kids to talk about their thinking and feelings as you listen and comfort the child about the loss
- Be open to discussion and be comfortable
Example: When mason was ready to talk, his parents made a welcoming environment for him to express himself and we was allowed to question multiple times.

3.  Give them a role on closure
Example. Mason was the one to buried Harley’s toys and treats and took on the role of having a funeral for him.

4. Nature is Therapeutic

Example: Allowing Mason to plant a living tree helps him remember Harley’s life through nature.

5. Give them time to heal
Example: Mason’s dad left him alone in his room but made sure Mason knew he was always open to talk and ask questions.


The topic of Death isn’t as complex for children as some think it is. Talk in your regular voice with no hush tones. It will make it much easier for them to understand. By using this support guide it will help you provide the comfort they need.
 

Benefits of Books


The authors of “The Hardest Goodbye” are third year students studying at the University of Guelph-Humber, majoring in Early Childhood Studies.  Inspired by the diverse need of helping guardians comfort children though traumatic events caused by death. We hope our message of when someone becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure. 
 

The Authors. 

"Let your memory grow" 

At the end of the book the authors decided to use a form 'Ecotherapy" so they will always know the person who phyically left them is always watching over them by using nature as their release. In addition they will have an opportunity for closure.  

You will find a piece of seed paper. 

1. Place the soil in the pot, right to the top. Gently pack the soil, so it's slightly compressed

2. Place the seed paper on top, and add another thin layer of soil on top of the paper (about one-eighth of an inch).
 

3. Give your newly planted seed paper a good soak of water right off the bat. After that, just make sure it's always moist. This may mean watering it a little bit every day or two, but just enough to maintain that level of moisture.
 

4. Make sure your planted seed paper is in a sunny area, and you should hopefully start seeing some little green sprouts pop up within a few weeks.




 

Subcribes

References

Bradbury, J. (2004, April 24). CHILDREN’S PERCEPTIONS OF DEATH: A PIAGETIAN PERSPECTIVE. Theory of Jean Piaget, 12-32. Retrieved from http://hdl.handle.net/10539/344
 

Crase, D. R., & Crase, D. (1995). Responding to a bereaved child in the school setting Retrieved from http://sfx.scholarsportal.info/guelph/docview/62652211?accountid=11233
 

Helms, R., & Blazer, D. (1986). What about the children? dealing with death. project enlightenment Project Enlightenment, 501 S. Boylan Ave., Raleigh, NC 27603 ($4.00). Retrieved from http://sfx.scholarsportal.info/guelph/docview/63144724?accountid=11233

Lowe, D. F. (2009). Helping children cope through literature. Forum on Public Policy Online, 2009(1), 17. Retrieved from http://sfx.scholarsportal.info/guelph/docview/61814566?accountid=11233

Misailidi, P., & Kornilaki, E. N. (2015). Development of afterlife beliefs in childhood: Relationship to parent beliefs and testimony. Merrill - Palmer Quarterly, 61(2), 290-318. Retrieved from http://sfx.scholarsportal.info/guelph/docview/1677667515?accountid=11233
 

Naierman, N. (2008). Grieveing Kids Need Guidance. Retrieved November 14, 2016, from http://www.earlychildhoodnews.com/earlychildhood/article_view.aspx?ArticleID=155

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